Life and life

2 min read

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skelly-jelly's avatar
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So, for the past couple years I have been struggling with some serious depression. It has taken it's toll on absolutely every aspect of my life; friendships, self esteem, and motivation are the biggest victims. I have lost my ability to draw. Every time I put pencil to paper nothing comes out, or if it does, I am completely unsatisfied with it.

I used to love drawing because it gave me an outlet. I could draw whatever I wanted, whomever I wanted, and it was fun! But somewhere along the way my depression started talking and all it told me was "you're no good!" or "give up, everyone else is better!". I lost the ability to have fun with what I was doing and it became a painful thing, a reminder of how inadequate I was at everything else.

Oddly though in the downtime from drawing I was able to channel that energy elsewhere. I fought very hard and became much better at sewing than I ever was before. I am a fucking whiz in the kitchen and can cook anything. I want that kind of passion and fight back in the hobby I've held the closest to my heart. 

I've resolved to change all that and go back to the beginning. I'm starting over. From now on it doesn't have to be good, it just has to be fun! So here's to a hopefully new beginning. 
© 2015 - 2024 skelly-jelly
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AlumitOAther's avatar
That's right! It just has to be fun! That's what it's all about :)
It reminds me when I was a kid and we'd all play guitar hero and I'd get upset cause everyone had a better score than me. And Pampaw would say that I had to focus on just beating my score and getting better myself than worry what other people got. That advice always helps me personally when I draw everyday.
I just got over a huge draw depression block myself, I hadn't drawn anything in months and had no passion to draw either and one day I just sat down and it came out on paper again for once. What I'm saying is that sometimes you need to back away and take a break and when you are ready, you're ready! You are amazing at sewing, cooking, writing and drawling! I still want to take lessons from you when we visit sometime! :)
And I hope you feel better with the depression, I want you to know that I'm always here for you :heart: